Hi guys I would like your constructive advice on the following issue
I'm a single woman who is not in a relationship at the moment, however I really want and NEED to start having children sooner rather than later as I have a disease called Perthes or at my age it's called a legacy of Perthes, this disease affects my left hip bone and as years have passed, it has started to affect my back and the whole of my left leg and therefore my mobility, in the sense I cant walk for too long before my leg aches and I start to limp and become tired. I have seen a consultant who aside from planning treatment has advised me to start my family a.s.a.p as at some stage I will have to (I cant bear thinking about it) have a hip replacement.
Now, due to my current single status, I have started to think about seeking an ex lover who I really cared about and ask him what he thought about impregnating me! I would not expect him to be involved in the upbringing of the baby, and I feel devastated to even have to be thinking along these lines as I am naturally ready and yearning for my own family which involves marriage, but I feel I have to be practical and proactive about my options, sadly this I feel is an option which I'm considering, because If I wait until divine intervention provides me with my Nubian husband, my leg may have deteriorated so bad that I may be unable to carry my children.
My question to the Ligali family is - Do you feel this proposal to an ex is out of order? Bearing in mind I have not seen him in 2 years and don’t know whether he is settled or even in a position to want to help!
For those who want to know more about Perthes: http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/27000664/
Sorry to hear about your condition, that can't be a nice predicament to be in. The only person who can tell you whether this proposal is out of order or not is the person you are intending to put it to. Other people can have their opinions but their opinions don't really matter when it comes down to it. I don't think I would try to have a child by any means necessary but that is just my own personal feeling - which I admit might change if I were to actually find out that I couldn't conceive naturally. I couldn't see myself going through endless rounds of IVF treatment or going to a sperm bank if I found I couldn't have children naturally within a secure and loving relationship where we were both strongly committed to the relationship (preferably legally married) and both wanted a child. I could not see myself voluntarily becoming a single parent, because I think it would be too much for me alone to handle. But then it's my belief that not everyone is destined to have children, whether they like it or not. Some people will never have their own children, that's the sad truth.
You don't mention a specific time limit, but are you that sure you don't still have time to meet someone and have a child the 'normal' way before your illness prevents you being able to carry a child? Another thing that occurs to me is, have you thought about the effect on any child that you have, if this guy does agree to impregnate you but wants nothing to do with the child?
I really feel for you as you obviously really want to be a mother asap, and it must be hard to be having to deal with this news from the consultant. However, it wouldn't be a good idea to become too obsessed (easy enough for me to say not being in your shoes I know) and it might even be wise to start looking into other options, because contacting this guy might not yield the results you are hoping for.
You may want to try to put more effort into meeting someone new who is also ready to start a family, as my feeling is that this might be a better way of getting what you want, rather than approaching an ex that you haven't kept in touch with, just to make a request like this. It is a big 'favour' to do for someone, even if you do still care about the person. If he doesn't respond favourably (for whatever reason) you are bound to feel worse than you do now, especially if you have pinned all your hopes on this.
I wish you all the very best and hope that you do meet someone new, rather than feel you have to take this unusual course of action. Good luck.